Temptaeshanz.

(This blog is published, first, in phonetic (Fanetik) spelling and only then in standard English spelling. If you wish to skip to the traditionally spelled text (albeit with a few simplifications here and there), click here.)
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Wun iz temptad tu sae thaat Hilare Klintan'z kaampaen iz ded in tha wuter, aand needz oenle tu run up tha 'hwiet' flaag. Tha Klintans haav akyuemyoolaetad $35 milyan in thair persanal faurchan sins leeving tha Hwiet Hous, but tha Klintanz' kaampaen iz so desperatle hord-prest finaanshale thaat thae aadmitad toodae thaat thae haad tu lend tha kaampaen $5 milyan uv thair oen koin, aand sum uv tha ke staaferz haav agreed tu werk witthout pae, temparerile, eevan tho tha kaampaen raezd $13 milyan laast muntth.
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A muntth ago, a yeer ago, "Hilare" — meening, aakchuewale, Tha Klintanz — wuz tha nomine preezumptiv, so for ahed thaat pie-in-tha-ski Demakraatik pundits wer sertan she wood proesés liek a kween tu tha nominaeshan, no wun beeying aebool tu stop her (aakchuewale, uv kaurs, tu stop them, tha Gruesam Tuesam).Toodae, houwever, on NBK Nietle Nuez, Tim Rusert spekyoolaetad thaat Tha Klintanz aand Oeboma or aabsaluetle tied faur eelektad delagats, witth 839 apees, aand eevan with the adishan uv tha "sueper-delagats" thae beeleev or plejd tu them, neether wood haav tha nominaeshan raapt up bi tha tiem the kanvenshan beeginz.
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This iz tha vere best tthing pragresivz kaan hoep faur, beekauz if thaat haapanz, tha chaansaz uv tha Demakraats aaksepting eether Oeboma aur Tha Klintanz aand raaleeying around tha nomine or esenshale nonegzistant. Tha porte wood then haav tu noe thaat thae eether opt faur a kompramiez ttherd kaandidaet, aur giv up aul hoep uv wining tha Hwiet Hous. Thaat ttherd kaandidaet iz plaenly Jon Edwerdz, the OENLE kaandidaet hu staandz ene chaans aat aul uv yoonieting tha porte aand wining tha Prezidanse. Givan tha Demakraats' neerly unering instingkt faur chuezing tha raung kaandidaet, houwever, thae miet go faur Aal Gaur, if he wer wiling tu be 'draaftad'. Aand then tha Demakraats wood go doun in flaemz eneewae.
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On Sueper Dueper Tuezdae tha Naeshan diskuverd, tho meedeeya skairsle daird menshan it, tha truetth thaat "mienoriteez" or not on tha saem sied uv vaareeyas ishuez. Blaaks reegord maasiv imigraeshan aaz aan obveeyas eekanomic haazerd, witth peepool frum Laatin Amairika, Aezha, eevan Aafrika pauring in tu werk cheeple aand thus underkut blaaks aand keep them mieyerd in poverte faurever. Hispaaniks reegord muevz tu kraak doun on ileegal imigraeshan aaz aantee-Laatin bigatre, aand jenrale faever eezeeyer aakses tu the Yoonietad Staets. Faur them, it iz a wae tu giv tu peepool thae iedentifi witth the opertueniteez thae tthingk thae shood haav. Faamile memberz aand frendz nou stuk in Meksiko, Gwotamola, aand uther ports soutth, miet be aebool tu kum heer, so thae kaan re-estaablish broekan reelaeshanships aand reekreeyaet a kamyuenite thae fiend moest kanjeenyal around them. This iz a kweschan uv raes, laanggwaj, kulcher, faamile, eevan reelijan. Moest blaaks or Protestant, maenle Baaptist aand konggragaeshanalist. Mene such Protastant grueps or oepanle aur koevertle hostal tu Katholisizam, so port uv thair opazishan (aaz uv hwiet hostilite) tu maasiv imigraeshan frum Laatin Amairika iz aakchuewale reelijas bigatre hidan beehiend eekanomik aand kulcheral orgyoomants.
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Mene blaaks reegord Hispaaniks aaz interloeperz, intruederz, jonee-kum-laetle invaederz underkuting thair fyuecher, chaenjing thair naeberhoodz, reefyuezing eevan tu lern hou tu chaat witth thair blaak naeberz (bi reefyuezing thair langgwaj, Ingglish), hoelding themselvz aluef, aaz tho thae or beter thaan blaaks, in thair oen kuntre! Blaaks haav bin heer a vere laung tiem. Thae se themselvz aaz Tru Amairikanz, aand reegord theez nu arievalz aaz Foranerz hu kaem heer not tu beekum Amairikanz but tu steel thair jobz aand thair naeberhoodz riet out frum under them.
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Mene Hispaaniks reegord blaaks aaz laeze, derte, drug-soekt luezerz huez kandishan iz thair oen daamd fault. 'If we kood kum heer — witthout eevan noewing tha laanggwaj — aand maek good lievz, hwi koodan't yu?' Thae aulso reegord blaaks aaz daenjerasle vieyalant aand kriem-inkliened, ireesponsibool tomkaats spreding thair seed aand abaandaning thair childran, aaktiviteez thaat or deeple afensiv tu Hispaanik kamyueniteez in hwich straung faamileez or baesik tu tha kulcher. Aand, beeleev it aur not, thair iz aaz much aantee-Protastant bigatre aaz aantee-Kaatthalik. Kaatthaliks reegord Protastants aaz heratiks aand truboolmaekerz hu reefyuez tu giv oner tu Kriest's repreezentativ on Ertth, air tu tha Tthroen uv Saent Peeter, tha Poep.
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Noebude tauks about theez tthingz. It's tiem we did. Beekauz if we reefyuez tu adres theez lajitimat, aand ilajitimat, kansernz uv tha Naeshan'z tue lorjast mienoriteez, we wil fail tu impruev tha Naeshan faur evreebudee's benafit. Aand yes, we kaan fiend salueshanz thaat serv evreebudee's best interest.
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We kaan liberaliez imigraeshan tu pravied faur "chaen miegraeshan", hwairbi peepool heer leegale kaan bring in not just thair imeedeeyat faamile but aulso ekstendad faamile aand frendz witthout huem thair lievz haav bin impoverisht. We kaan pratekt blaaks frum unfair kompatishan bi enfaursing waej aand ouwerz lejislaeshan. We kaan teech Hispaaniks not just hou tu speek Ingglish but aulso tu go out uv thair wae tu speek tu their blaak naeberz aand alae egzaajeraetaed feerz, eevan inklued them in porteez (feeyestaz, thaat iz) aand aurganizaeshanz, tu the ekstent thaat iz agreeyabool tu blaaks, huez taests in myuezik, faur instans, mae difer draastikle. Tha cherchaz kaan reech out tu eech uther in ekyoomenikal servisaz, reelijas aand soeshal. We kaan aulso teech peepool tu keep thair oen myuezik in thair oen hous so thae doen't afend peepool huez taests or difrant.
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Iz this triveeyal, difrant myueziks, daansaz, fuedz, laanggwajaz? Maebe, if it's aul prievat aand volantere. But hwen sumbude iz blaasting yu witth myuezik yu haet, it's not aaz triveeyal aaz sum peepool miet wont tu tthingk — espeshale if yau'r not invietad tu tha porte.
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I, baurn aand raezd in oeverhwelmingle hwiet suberbz, ferst beekaem awair uv tha blaak/Hispaanik aantipatthe hwen I muevd tu Nu Yaurk aand herd mi blaak frendz kamplaening about 'paurtareekanz', eevan about "PR'z" uv mikst raes hu, if thae spoek Ingglish, wood be reegordad aaz "blaak". I maed Pwairta Reekan frendz tu, aand thae haad baad tthingz tu sae about blaaks. Odle, wun uv tha cheef kamplaents frum boetth siedz iz thaat the uther or "derte" (persanale aand aaz reegordz tha wae thae keep thair hous aand yordz), aand thae ruewin evre naeberhood thae muev intu.
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Then tha saem aanimas ekstendad tu nuewer grueps, eevan Daminikanz, hu or aul "blaak" aaz hwiet peepool reegord tthingz. But "blaak" faur blaaks in the Yoonietad Staets iz not just raes. It's kulcher: Amairikan kulcher, blaak Amairikan kulcher, Ingglish-speeking kulcher, Protastant kulcher. It's about peepool hu haav a laung histare heer aand reemember slaevere thaat tha nu arievalz did not (aaz for aaz Amairikan blaaks noe) ever sufer. "Aand heer thae kum intu ouwer kuntre! Thae just morch in aand taek ouwer jobs? I doen't tthingk so!"
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In ene kaes, faur Oeboma tu win Teksas, krueshal tu his goewing intu kanvenshan witth a kleer majorite, he iz goewing tu haav tu aaksept aand deel witth tha blaak/Lateeno aanimas in this kuntre aand help boetth grueps riez abuv it.
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Thaat bringz us baak tu 'Hilare' Klintan's kaampaen. I sed wun wood be temptad tu kount her out, sins she plumatad frum tha nomine preezumptiv tu a kaandidaet klauqing tu stae in tha raes. Yes, Oeboma haaz seezd tha moementam, hwich 'she' (aakchuewale, aulwaez, thae: "Bilare") wuz just bairle aebool tu stop in Kaalifaurnya, tho tha rau voet toetalz sho thaat daspiet Kaalifaurnya, in Sueper Dueper Tuezdae she maanajd tu gaen oenle 53,120 maur voets thaan Oeboma, out uv 14,642,822 kaast: a difrans uv litool maur thaan 1/3 uv 1% (0.36%).
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Tha MikKaen kaampaen, houwever, givz her hoep. A fyu weeks ago, tha 'smort mune' ekspektad tha broek aand disaurderd MikKaen kaampaen tu giv up tha goest, but tha Senater stuk bi hiz gunz (literale: he iz, aafter aul, tha gungho thee-Eerok-waur-iz-wunderfool kaandidaet) aand looks nou tu be on tha verj uv soewing up tha Reepublikan nominaeshan. So Bilare iz hortand. If oenle sh/he kaan get paast this baad fyu weeks, sh/he tue kaan trieyumf aat tha kanvenshan.
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Maebe sh/he kaan. Maebe sh/he kaan't. Hwut sh/he definitle kaanot du, houwever, iz win tha jeneral eelekshan, aabsant sum boelt frum tha blu. Bil iz aan embaarasmant, aand tha Naeshan duzan't wont tu go baak tu tha daez uv endlas obseen joeks on aul tha laet-niet tauk shoez. Noebude beeleevz Bil kaan keep it in hiz paants. Hilare iz a koeld-hortad, frijid, persanale aambishas but uterle unprinsipoold bich hu wil sae eneetthing tu get eelektad. 52% uv the eelektarat sed June 29, 2007 that thae wood not voet faur her under ene serkamstaansaz. Blaaks wil be aileeyanaetad bi her reezisting Oeboma tu the end, aand eevan if she wer tu kreeyaet diluedad Demz' "dreem teem" bi chuezing Oeboma faur Veep, blaaks wil stil reegord thaat aaz insulting. Indeed, thair mae wel be blaaks wiling tu shuet Hilare ded tu maek Oeboma the ferst blaak Prezidant uv the Yoonietad Staets.
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Saem tthing if tha "dreem teem" (aakchuewale, houwever, reeyalistik Demz' waeking nietmair) iz flipt, witth Oeboma faur Prez aand Bilare faur Veep — sum kraezd lezbeeyan-feminist iz liekle tu tri tu kil Oeboma. Need I reele list heer prominant Amairikan palitikal leederz kild bi asaasinz?
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Theez liekle asaasinaeshan atempts (if tha Demakraats reefyuez tu kompramiez on a ttherd kaandidaet) aand MikKaen'z aadvaanst aej raez interesting Konstitueshanal kweschanz: hwut haapanz if tha Prezidenshal nomine uv a maejer porte diez (a) duering tha kaampaen aur (b) aafter wining the eelekshan but beefaur beeying swaurn in? Thair or fiener points: hwut haapanz if tha detth akerz (c) aafter tha popyooler voet but beefaur the Eelektaral Kolaj voet?
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Mi reeding uv tha 12tth Amendmant sagjests thaat the eelekterz wood be entietoold tu voet faur eneewun thae wont, staet lauz reestrikting thair voet in ene wae, beeying a nulite faur not beeying saangkshand bi tha Konstitueshan, aand staets haaving no kantroel oever Federal institueshanz.
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Thaat duz not, houwever, aanser tha kweschan uv hwut haapanz if tha Prezidenshal kaandidaet iz kild aur simple diez aafter the Eelektaral Kolaj voet but beefaur taeking the oetth uv aufis. I sagjest thaat Konstitueshanal skolerz investigaet this ttherale tu be rede witth aan aanser imeedeeyatle aafter tha maejer-porte nominaeting kanvenshanz laeter this yeer.
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(Tha kerant Y.S. militere detth toel in Eerok, akaurding tu tha websiet "Eerok Koewalishan Kaazhuewalteez", iz 3,949 — faur Izreeyal.)
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Temptations. One is tempted to say that Hillary Clinton's campaign is dead in the water, and needs only to run up the 'white' flag. The Clintons have accumulated $35 million in their personal fortune since leaving the White House, but the Clintons' campaign is so desperately hard-pressed financially that they admitted today that they had to lend the campaign $5 million of their own coin, and some of the key staffers have agreed to work without pay, temporarily, even tho the campaign raised $13 million last month.
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A month ago, a year ago, "Hillary" — meaning, actually, The Clintons — was the nominee presumptive, so far ahead that pie-in-the-sky Democratic pundits were certain she would procéss like a queen to the nomination, no one being able to stop her (actually, of course, to stop them, the Gruesome Twosome). Today, however, on NBC Nightly News, Tim Russert speculated that The Clintons and Obama are absolutely tied for elected delegates, with 838 apiece, and even with the addition of the "super-delegates" they believe are pledged to them, neither would have the nomination wrapped up by the time the convention begins.
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This is the very best thing progressives can hope for, because if that happens, the chances of the Democrats accepting either Obama or The Clintons and rallying around the nominee are essentially nonexistent. The party would then have to know that they either opt for a compromise third candidate, or give up all hope of winning the White House. That third candidate is plainly John Edwards, the ONLY candidate who stands any chance at all of uniting the party and winning the Presidency. Given the Democrats nearly unerring instinct for choosing the wrong candidate, however, they might go for Al Gore, if he were willing to be 'drafted'. And then the Democrats would go down in flames anyway.
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On Super Duper Tuesday the Nation discovered, tho media scarcely dared mention it, the truth that "minorities" are not on the same side of various major issues. Blacks regard massive immigration as an obvious economic hazard, with people from Latin America, Asia, even Africa pouring in to work cheaply and thus undercut blacks and keep them mired in poverty forever. Hispanics regard moves to crack down on illegal immigration as anti-Latin bigotry, and generally favor easier access to the United States. For them, it is a way to give to people they identify with the opportunities they think they should have. Family members and friends now stuck in Mexico, Guatemala, and other parts south, might be able to come here, so they can re-establish broken relationships and recreate a community they find most congenial around them. This is a question of race, language, culture, family, even religion. Most blacks are Protestant, mainly Baptist and congregationalist. Many such Protestant groups are openly or covertly hostile to Catholicism, so part of their opposition (as of white hostility) to massive immigration from Latin America is actually religious bigotry hidden behind economic arguments.
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Many blacks regard Hispanics as interlopers, intruders, johnny-come-lately invaders undercutting their future, changing their neighborhoods, refusing even to learn how to chat with their black neighbors (by refusing their language, English), holding themselves aloof, as tho they are better than blacks, in their own country! Blacks have been here a very long time. They see themselves as True Americans, and regard these new arrivals as Foreigners who came here not to become Americans but to steal their jobs and their neighborhoods right out from under them.
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Many Hispanics regard blacks as lazy, dirty, drug-soaked losers whose condition is their own damned fault. 'If we could come here — without even knowing the language — and make good lives, why couldn't you?' They also regard blacks as dangerously violent and crime-inclined, irresponsible tomcats spreading their seed and abandoning their children, activities that are deeply offensive in Hispanic communities in which strong families are basic to the culture. And, believe it or not, there is as much anti-Protestant bigotry as anti-Catholic. Catholics regard Protestants as heretics and troublemakers who refuse to give honor to Christ's representative on Earth, heir to the Throne of Saint Peter, the Pope.
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Nobody talks about these things. It's time we did. Because if we refuse to address these legitimate, and illegitimate, concerns of the Nation's two largest minorities, we will fail to improve the Nation for everybody's benefit. And yes, we can find solutions that serve everybody's best interest.
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We can liberalize immigration to provide for "chain migration", whereby people here legally can bring in not just their immediate family but also extended family and friends without whom their lives have been impoverished. We can protect blacks from unfair competition by enforcing wage and hours legislation. We can teach Hispanics not just how to speak English but also to go out of their way to speak to their black neighbors and allay exaggerated fears, even include them in parties (fiestas, that is) and organizations, to the extent that is agreeable to blacks, whose tastes in music, for instance, may differ drastically. The churches can reach out to each other in ecumenical services, religious and social. We can also teach people to keep their own music in their own house so they don't offend people whose tastes are different.
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Is this trivial, different musics, dances, foods, languages? Maybe, if it's all private and voluntary. But when somebody is blasting you with music you hate, it's not as trivial as some people might want to think — especially if you're not invited to the party.
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I, born and raised in overwhelmingly white suburbs, first became aware of the black/Hispanic antipathy when I moved to New York and heard my black friends complaining about 'portareekans', even about "PR's" of mixed race who, if they spoke English, would be regarded as "black". I made Puerto Rican friends too, and they had bad things to say about blacks. Oddly, one of the chief complaints from both sides is that the other are "dirty" (personally and as regards the way they keep thair house and yards), and they ruin every neighborhood they move into.
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Then the same animus extended to newer groups, even Dominicans, who are all "black" as white people regard things. But "black" for blacks in the United States is not just race. It's culture: American culture, black-American culture, English-speaking culture, Protestant culture. It's about people who have a long history here and remember slavery that the new arrivals did not (as far as American blacks know) ever suffer. "And here they come into our country! They just march in and take our jobs? I don't think so!"
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In any case, for Obama to win Texas, crucial to his going into convention with a clear majority, he is going to have to accept and deal with the black/Latino animus in this country and help both groups rise above it.
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That brings us back to 'Hillary' Clinton's campaign. I said one would be tempted to count her out, since she plummeted from the nominee presumptive to a candidate clawing to stay in the race. Yes, Obama has seized the momentum, which 'she' (actually, always, they: "Billary") was just barely able to stop in California, tho the raw vote totals show that despite California, in Super Duper Tuesday she managed to gain only 53,120 more votes more than Obama, out of 14,642,822 cast: a difference of little more than 1/3 of 1% (0.36%).
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The McCain campaign, however, gives her hope. A few weeks ago, the 'smart money' expected the broke and disordered McCain campaign to give up the ghost, but the Senator stuck by his guns (literally: he is, after all, the gungho the-Iraq-war-is-wonderful candidate) and looks now to be on the verge of sewing up the Republican nomination. So Billary is heartened. If only s/he can get past this bad few weeks, s/he too can triumph at the convention.
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Maybe s/he can. Maybe s/he can't. What s/he definitely cannot do, however, is win the general election, absent some bolt from the blue. Bill is an embarrassment, and the Nation doesn't want to go back to the days of endless obscene jokes on all the late-nite talk shows. Nobody believes Bill can keep it in his pants. Hillary is a cold-hearted, frigid, personally ambitious but utterly unprincipled bitch who will say anything to get elected. 52% of the electorate said June 29, 2007 that they would not vote for her under any circumstances. Blacks will be alienated by her resisting Obama to the end, and even if she were to create deluded Dems' "dream team" (realistic Dems' waking nitemare) by choosing Obama for Veep, blacks will still regard that as insulting. Indeed, there may well be blacks willing to shoot Hillary dead to make Obama the first black President of the United States.
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Same thing if the "dream team" (actually, however, realistic Dem's waking nitemare) is flipped, with Obama for Prez and Billary for Veep — some crazed lesbian-feminist is likely to try to kill Obama. Need I really list here prominent American political leaders killed by assassins?
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These likely assassination attempts (if the Democrats refuse to compromise on a third candidate) and McCain's advanced age raise interesting Constitutional questions: what happens if the Presidential nominee of a major party dies (a) during the campaign or (b) after winning the election but before being sworn in? There are finer points: what happens if the death occurs (c) after the popular vote but before the Electoral College vote?
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My reading of the 12th Amendment suggests that the electors would be entitled to vote for anyone they want, state laws restricting their vote in any way, being a nullity for not being sanctioned by the Constitution, and states having no control over Federal institutions.
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That does not, however, answer the question of what happens if the Presidential candidate is killed or simply dies after the Electoral College vote but before taking the oath of office. I suggest that Constitutional scholars investigate this thoroughly to be ready with an answer immediately after the major-party nominating conventions later this year.
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(The current U.S. military death toll in Iraq, according to the website "Iraq Coalition Casualties", is 3,949 — for Israel.)



- posted by L. Craig Schoonmaker @ 10:39 PM